You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
