Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
