dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
