i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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