You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
