Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
