What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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