he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
