I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
