I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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