never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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