i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
