Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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