Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
