So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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