Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
