I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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