no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize