I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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