so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
