You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
