shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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