never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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