this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
