my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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