First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
