I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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