i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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