I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
