I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
