no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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