Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
