I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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