When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
