Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
