I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
