This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
