Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
