I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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