Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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