Someone shit on the floor
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize