roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
