i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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