hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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