i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
