I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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