FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
