i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize