Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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