I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
