my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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