oh god the rape fog is back!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm too high and old for this...
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