My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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