So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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