Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
