If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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