Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize