so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
did you just send me my own nude
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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