mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
