I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
