I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
