I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
