I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
