Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
