Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
