We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
