I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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