mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize