Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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